Prison Joker

A young man is sentenced to fifteen years in prison. The warden takes a liking to him and puts him in a cell with a kindly oldtimer so that he can be shown the ropes and not get himself in trouble. So the oldtimer teachs the youngster the rules of the prison, what to do, what not to do, stuff like that. One of the rules he learns is that there is no talking allowed during meals. A curious thing happens during meals though and the young prisoner is a bit confused. In the large mess hall, once everyone is seated, one of the prisoners stands up and loudly says, "47." Everyone in the hall laughs hysterically. A few minutes later, another prisoner stands up and loudly says, "19." Again, a torrent of laughter from everyone. This goes on throughout the meal. Later, when the youngster and the oldtimer get back to their cell, the young man asks, "What was going in the mess hall tonight? I thought you said there was no talking allowed." "Ah, yes, the mess hall. Well years ago, the warden eased up on that rule a bit, the one that disallows talking at meals. You see, all of us inmates have memorized a long list of jokes and stories by the number, so that all one of us has to do is call out its number, and, because we have all of the stories memorized, it's like someone told the whole funny story." The young inmate nods understandingly and falls off to sleep. After a few weeks of this mealtime behavior, the young man gets up a bit of nerve and decides to tell a story. So, one evening at the dinner meal, he stands up and loudly says, "26." No one laughs. Not even a twitter. So he tries again, "26." Still nothing. He sits down sheepishly and embarrassed. Later, he pleads with the oldtimer to explain what happened. "That is such a good story, number 26, how come no one laughed." The old man turned to him and explained, "It's the way you told it."

Kids

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello?" Feeling a bit put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your daddy home?" "Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?" "Yes," came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he is busy," whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" asked the boss. "Talking to daddy and mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper!" Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "The search team?! Why are they there?" Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They are looking for me!"

THE DIRTY PIG

One fine day a dirty pig was soaking himself in a pool. A thirsty lion came to drink water, but unable to bear the heavy stench went away. The foolish pig thought that the lion cowed down seeing him and excitedly challenged him to a duel. “Maybe tomorrow,” replied the lion and turned away from the smelly pig. The pig went h6me and told his parents how he had challenged a coward lion. “What have you done you, foolish pig? It’s not you but your stench that made him run away,” explained his father. The dirty pig’s excitement crashed instantly. His father suggested that he should leisurely roll in the dirty waters so that he might stink even more and then meet the lion. The pig listened to his father. As soon as the lion approached him, the foul smell spread around and he ran away unable to bear it. Since then, pigs always keep themselves dirty so that no animal might come near them

The Medical Jar

[Humour]
A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample of your sperm tomorrow." The next day, the 75-year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. "Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. "Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing." The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOUR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we just couldn't get the damn jar open!"